Grieving is a Family Affair

Grieving is a family affair. I grieve my way and everyone else grieves in their own way. I grieve the loss of the old me. The one who started off healthy then became ill. I grieve the loss of my energy levels along with the loss of my hormones. Grief takes on many facets. Lack of energy or a sudden abundance of energy. It could be that to the general public (family and friends included) I look good on the outside while my insides are in turmoil. It could be that putting myself together is one of my coping mechanisms and I get that it makes everyone around me feel better to see me like that, but let us not forget the incredible amount of work it takes to get to that point. The energy expended on showering, doing hair and makeup and getting dressed only to suddenly experience a severe hot flash or "power surge" which does a real number on all that hard work...now it's time to start over, again.

Grief is dealt with in a variety of ways. Some may delve into their work or music. Some may become video game addicts. Some may even turn to alcohol or drugs. There are those who write about it (that would be me) and there are those who stay closed up inside and don't release the toxins at all.

So I'm not the wife I promised to be. I'm not the mother I used to be. It's certainly not my fault, but at least I have my writing.