This Is So Much Harder Than I Thought

Three down - twenty-two to go. This is so much harder than I expected. I thought I could handle another five weeks of radiation without incident, but so far, I am 0 for 3.

Today's treatment was better than Thursday, but not as good as Friday. I figure this must be a very difficult thing for these technicians to do. The measurements and daily fitting. If I am not "perfectly" aligned, then I am not comfortable. It is almost impossible to be "perfectly" aligned each time. Today, I must have been off by a couple of millimetres and that gave me an instant headache. This time the headache was accompanied by a little bit of nausea. This can't be what's in store for me for a full five weeks worth of treatments. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to walk through those hospital doors to get this done.

I offered today's driver a large sum of money to take me anywhere but there. He lovingly refused and said he had a responsibility to make sure I got to my treatment. That's what friends are for, I suppose. Incidentally, I tried the same thing with Friday's driver and she, too, said absolutely not.

Tomorrow, the unit is closed for "maintenance" on the machine. I welcome the break, but I really want this to be over with sooner rather than later.

I am left with uneasy feelings about the balance of my treatments. I am left feeling head achy and nauseous. I hope when all is said and done, I am left feeling - period.