Mood Swings.....Who Me?

I guess you could say I have always been moody to a certain degree. A bad PMSer is what I have been told. Well, PMS technically is no longer an issue. Or so I thought. OK, so I don't actually suffer from PMS since my radical hysterectomy three months ago, but, now....instead.....I am blessed with having been thrown into menopause with cement shoes. I am drowning in irritability. Every little thing...and I mean little. It doesn't matter what it is, a look, a posture, ignorance, stupidity, stress, something not being put back where it belongs, not being listened to, more importantly...not being heard, etc. The point is....it doesn't matter what it is that makes me snap, I just snap.

This goes way beyond being moody. This is without notice or premonition. I am perfectly happy and content on minute and the next.....BOOM!!!! I am possessed. I am taken over by anger and rage at everyone and no one. My hormones are completely out of whack. I am fearful that I may actually act out my anger and rage to the point of injuring an innocent party. I prefer to lock myself in a room, be left completely alone until it passes. At this time, I don't care if I'm being understood or not. I just want total acceptance. Accept what's going on....don't personalize it.....don't try to fix it or rationalize it......just leave me alone...that's the best advice I can give to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be in my presence when I explode.

I must repeat....please don't take it personally.....it's not necessarily something that you have done to set me off.....and if it is, it will pass. Just be patient....yes, I said patient.

I am trying to take matters into my own hands to some extent....a more natural diet (some foods set me off), a less stressful environment (impossible), natural vitamins and supplements (hopefully) and failing those.....there are always meds to fall back on. G-D knows, I've had enough of those and I don't want to be a zombie either.

Is this a cry out for help? Well, maybe....help from the people closest to me....a lot of patience and some understanding is required. Therapy.....that's a given. As soon as I was diagnosed with cancer and had the hysterectomy, I was assigned a therapist at PMH who helps me to understand and accept my changes, etc. Perhaps those closest to me can benefit from this kind of enlightenment.

I don't care how strong we think we are.....we cannot do it alone. We cannot handle certain life challenges on our own. I thank G-D for my therapist who helps me to deal with my issues so that I can keep my sense of humour and my positive outlook.

I try to meditate to get myself to that place of transition where I am reminded of who I am......my essence. I am reminded of the four elements of PEIS (Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual) and how to maintain balance. This place of transition is a wonderful place. I need to be there more often. I need to make the time to go there and just be. I truly believe that all this helps to get me through each and every day. This is the place that reminds me of what it's like to have hormones in tact, peace of mind, less stress, and no mood swings.

There are no mood swings in the place of transition.

The journey continues.