It's been a while since my last blog entry and I have been bombarded with readers asking me why. Well, to be perfectly honest, I originally started blogging while I was in treatment and it was a great way to let family and friends know how I was doing moment to moment. It was also my way to vent....and I need to vent. It is truly helpful during stressful times and we all know I've been through a bit of stress. (Is that putting it mildly or what!) Since I am no longer in treatment, I didn't have much more to say about it.
I appreciate that my readers look forward to my blog, thoughts, feelings, etc., but sometimes what I have to say has nothing to do with my cancer treatments or how I feel physically.
Mentally....that is a whole other story. I never really got into it much because the physical effects were so prominent. Now that they are dissipating (thank goodness), I am clearly aware that my mind is not working the same way as before my treatments began. I have what we call "Chemo Brain". It's being able to have a thought, start to articulate the thought, and then either losing the thought mid sentence or being unable to verbalize a certain word that on any other day is very common. The worst is.......when they both happen at the same time. It is also not being able to concentrate very well....certainly not on more than one thing at a time. If I am blogging or emailing and someone talks to me....I get very flustered and can't cope with it all. I'll yell out that I can only do one thing at a time....let me finish my thoughts in the blog or email and then you can talk to me. Same thing when there is more than one conversation going on around me and someone is talking to me....I can barely concentrate on what is being said, because of the "background" noise. It's awful and extremely frustrating.
Yesterday, I was to speak for a brief moment in time explaining why I wanted to be on the Board of Directors at my Temple. Yes, it was our AGM and I was running for the Board. I was terrified that I would have "a moment" in front of everyone. Even though I had a sheet of paper with my notes on it, it was a frightening thought that I might lose it. As it happens, I did lose it for a split second, but I was able to cover with a couple of funnies. Thank goodness it wasn't a major fumble.
I am honoured to have been elected and I know I'm going to hear about it from many of you....."why would you do this to yourself right now?"...... "do you really think this is a smart thing to do?"....... "you're still healing and have so much to go through, is this really wise?" The answer to all of you is please don't worry. My Board duties will be covered for the time that I am in surgery and recovering, including the radiation treatments following the surgery. So not to worry. When I am well again, I will jump in with both feet and start swimming to keep up and do what I have set out to do. Mostly, I just want to give back to the incredible community that overwhelmed me (and continues to do so) with so much love and support during the most difficult time in my life.
So, although this blogspot is for me to use however I want.....today, I wanted to share this.
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