Although I didn't quite make it to Torah Study today, except for the last 1o minutes, I was able to go to services and that made me just as happy. I find it so peaceful and comfortable and as long as I am able to get my butt out of bed, that's where I like to be on Saturdays.
Lunch with another dear friend today made it a great day. However, shortly after I returned home was the downside of my day. Unbelievable abdominal pain struck me and left me breathless and exhausted. I seem to have a bit of a reaction to the radiation, chemo and subsequent drugs, whereby when I get tired or have done too much, it sits in my esophagus and makes my voice go weak. After a good nap, I felt mostly better and was able to resume plans with some great friends for dinner. Good friends, good food, and he indulged me by allowing me to drive his new car home. Complete with all the gadgets, it was so much fun. I'm such a sucker for gadgets and toys.
After returning to their home to watch a movie/documentary, I became most uncomfortable again and eventually had to leave. It seems I only have a good few hours at a time before I need to rest or begin to feel ill.
I'm hoping this is just temporary.
The metallic taste came back this week also and it's been a rough road with that. Plastic cutlery helps and so does mint. Mint candies, mint gum, mint leaves....whatever, as long as it's mint. Although it's great for the metallic taste, it's not so good for the esophagus. Right now, it feels like a hole burning through me in several locations. I'm taking my bedtime meds, I hope to sleep through the night and sleep in tomorrow because, thankfully, we don't have any pressing engagements. This will be a complete day of rest while I gear up for another week of treatments (yuck).
I am taking various aids to help me relax and sleep. If not for these wonders, what would my restless nights be like. Anxiety driven for sure....so what's the harm in a little white pill? And when that doesn't work, what's the harm in a little doobie? After all, I do have the MD's permission. "Whatever helps." That's what she said. The news of earlier this week has really taken it's toll on me and although I'm in a better place, for the most part, it still hurts and I'm still scared. I try to remain hopeful and confident and for the most part I'm ok. But, there are the nights.....dark, quiet, scary, and alone in my thoughts.....no distractions.....I sometimes get lost in the fear.
Thank goodness for tomorrow and hope. Thank goodness for family and friends. Thank goodness for prayer and love.
Ups and downs....that was my day today.....did I mention I don't like roller coasters?
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