Apparently, I've taken up knitting. While passing time waiting in the Radiation waiting room, I decided to give it a try. How exciting!!!....Not. The last time I tried to knit was well over twenty years ago and it took me ten years to knit a sweater. In this waiting room there is a basket full of knitting needles, wool of a variety of colours and people just pick it up from time to time to help pass time while waiting. It's actually quite relaxing. Today, I picked up an interesting pattern that someone had started and I thought, no problem, I can continue it and it'll look great.....wrong.....I screwed it up so badly I couldn't even return it to the bin. I had my friend return it for me because I was so embarrassed. Having said all this, I still might take it up again as a hobby. Maybe I'll learn more patience and accomplish something wonderful.
Back at the ranch, I met with the MD on the team today and went over all my symptoms and found that I am experiencing some interesting side effects (not uncommon) from both radiation and chemo. The MD also validated my feelings of fear and uncertainty and when I asked for a retraction from last week's upsetting conversation with the lead MD....well, let's just say, it didn't quite happen that way. So, for now....I feel validated and although I'd like to feel that from the lead MD, it's ok for now. I am making a conscious decision to get over last week's hump and move on. After all, as of tomorrow, I will be half way through my treatments.
It's funny.....our minds are an incredible tool. It can control almost any emotion, feeling and state of mind. I have allowed mine to go into a very dark place lately and I don't like it one bit. I am choosing to see the brighter side (however dim it may seem at the time). I am choosing a happy place (with or without Rx assistance). Life is good and I am choosing to live it.
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